


In Illuminated Symbollic Glory

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-19
Updated: 2006-02-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 18:44:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12415803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: "James, I'm throwing the lamp away." Oh, what furor these words can create. What horror! What amazement! What chaos! What snogging! Who ever said destiny couldn't be fulfilled by a lamp?





	In Illuminated Symbollic Glory

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**_A/N: Two in one day. I'm pretty shocked, myself._ **

_**James/Lily one-shot. I had fun writing it :P** _

**_Review,  loo-hoos!_ **

_**-h** _

<center>In Illuminated Symbollic Glory

_For Paras. Because not only is she a fellow monarch, she's also a genuinely amazing person._ </center>  
   


“James, I’m throwing the lamp away.”

Lily Evans stood determinedly in the doorway of her boyfriend’s kitchen facing the four forms gathered round his sitting room table and clutching what very few dubbed a lamp and most others dubbed a hazard to modern home-decorating fashion.

All four forms looked up from their game of exploding snap in utmost horror at the exasperated girl’s proclamation, their mouths agape and their furiously smoking cards ignored in their stilled hands. Sirius Black was the first to move from this position at all when his lips silently formed the words, ‘throw the lamp away?’ in absolute shock and greatest despair. Remus Lupin quickly followed suit by slowly shutting his mouth, reaching over to do the same for Sirius, and then running a shaky hand through his hair as he resumed his staring at the redhead in the doorway. Peter Pettigrew blinked at Lily rapidly from behind his hand of cards before slowly setting them face-down on the polished table in front of him and reaching an unsteady hand for his glass of Firewhiskey.

James merely sat staring at his girlfriend, disbelief written across his face, and barely managed to utter the single word, “Pardon?” before his deck of cards exploded in his hands and his head was lost from view in a cloud of noxious, billowing, puke-green smoke.

Had it not been for one Sirius Black’s immediate whoop of joy and triumphant fist pump from his position on the couch across from Remus, it is very likely that the occupants of James Potter’s sitting room would not have moved a muscle, uttered an exclamation of surprise, or otherwise breathed at all during the moments following the explosion. However, as it was, the smug man now shooting up from the couch in victory managed to distract two of the five in the room enough for them to temporarily forget Lily’s statement and go about their game as if nothing monumental had occurred at all.

(It should be known that Lily Evans’ intention to throw the previously mentioned sacred relic of a lamp away was in fact most definitely a monumental occurrence whose implications and general existence is perfectly horrendous, entirely unfair, and otherwise completely overstepping the boundaries separating what women need to know about their male counterparts and what they just cannot understand and should leave well enough alone.)

(The above statement was, of course, according to the four male psyches of the room. The solitary female psyche was simply of the opinion that the three male psyches were complete idiots, unquestionable fools, and otherwise incapable of forming coherent thoughts in the first place.) 

“Ha!” said Sirius in his success, pointing a triumphant finger at a still open-mouthed James (whose face, incidentally, now vaguely resembled that of a Bubotuber plant, being that it was entirely green and his eyes were now hardly visible beneath the green ash-covered lenses of his glasses.) and then sweeping it across to encompass Remus and Peter as well. “Ten sickles, if you please. From all of you.” He held out his hand haughtily and snapped his fingers under Remus’ nose.

Remus jerked his head back from Sirius’ hand and grumbled as he reached into his cloak and extracted the money. He rolled his eyes as he dropped the coins in his friend’s hand, mumbling something about ten sickles not being able to buy anything but a stupid licorice wand anyway, and began gathering the cards for another round.

Sirius counted the coins in his hand and glanced up at his friend. “I happen to _like_ Licorice Wands, thank you very much,” he said.

Peter drained his Firewhiskey as he shoved a pile of coins in Sirius’ direction.

James continued to gape at his girlfriend (who was now looking on at the game in the sitting room with mild amusement) in horror. Sirius tapped him on the shoulder impatiently.

“Oy! Prongs! Pay up, mate. You don’t have to wait until the hippogriffs come home, you know.”

James ignored him and closed his mouth slowly. “P-Pardon?” he said again.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’m throwing the lamp away, James.”

Remus ceased dealing the cards. Peter hastily poured himself another glass of Firewhiskey. Sirius stopped tapping James’ shoulder.

“You were serious about that?” he asked her.

She looked at him in annoyance, “Of course I was!”

“Sweet Merlin,” Sirius muttered, looking down at his friend with greatest pity, “Dear sweet _Merlin_ ,” he muttered again.

They all continued to stare at Lily. Finally, she huffed in annoyance and turned on her heel. “Well if all of you are going to sit there as if you’ve just seen Nearly Headless Nick consume a sandwich while his head is lolling about on his shoulder, then I’ll just go take this stupid thing out to the trash myself.”

James, in any other circumstances, would have congratulated Lily on her creative use of this analogy, but as he was currently in a state of abject horror, he found that he could think no other thought than that of, “Pardon?”

The Marauders gaped at Lily’s retreating back for a fleeting moment before all four boys scrambled to their feet to go after her.

“Lily, wait! Think rationally for a moment!”

“Great Agrippa, I always knew you’d be the downfall of ol’ Prongs.”

“Come now, Lily. I’m sure the lamp will grow on you…”

“Lily! You can’t! Stop, wait, hold on a second-Lily! No! STOP!”

Lily wheeled around to face the stumbling boys, her hand clutching the handle of the front door and the lamp resting on her opposite hip. She raised an eyebrow.

“What?” she demanded.

The boys froze and held out their hands as if Lily were a giant Fizzing Whizbee ready to explode. Their eyes were fixed on the lamp. James stepped forward cautiously and wiped the green ash from the lenses of his glasses so he could better judge his girlfriend’s actions.

“Lily,” he said carefully, “let’s talk this over, alright? Why don’t you just put the lamp down and-“

Lily cut him off, “For Merlin’s sake, James. Would you put your hands down?”

James dropped his hands but did not remove his eyes from the lamp. 

Lily sighed. “I really cannot imagine what it is that has you four thinking this stupid lamp is some sort of sacred relic. It’s a piece of junk!”

All four boys gasped, and Sirius shut his eyes in what seemed to be physical pain (because, as he later informed his many audiences, this statement pierced his heart to his very soul). Peter shook his head sadly and Remus looked to the ceiling for guidance.

James looked at Lily sadly, “The Lamp is _not_ a piece of junk,” he said quietly.

“Hear hear!” Sirius croaked weakly as he leaned against the wall in an attempt to nurse his pierced soul.

Lily held the lamp out in front of her in irritation and ripped off the shade to expose a very small light bulb. She nodded her head at it. “It looks,” she stated, “like a nipple.”

Which is entirely true. The lamp itself was mauve, shaped like half an oval, narrower at the top, and adorned with a bulb that looked as if it belonged in a fake Muggle Christmas candle. 

Lily’s statement was met with silence as the boys inspected the lamp in front of her. Remus raised his eyebrows and tipped the corners of his mouth down in silent agreement. Peter snickered slightly. Sirius straightened a bit from his slouched position against the foyer wall and casually cocked his head to the side, grinning.

(Strictly for the adherence to the rules of the omniscient point of view, it can be said that Sirius Black was grinning so widely in reaction to the thought that the lamp held in Lily’s arm was in fact the largest rendition of a breast he had ever seen in his entire twenty-one and three-quarter years of living, and that should said rendition be buried with him in his grave, he could enter the afterlife perfectly content and full of ecstatic repentance.)

James grimaced, “Well, I don’t know about tha-“

Lily cut him off, “A giant breast, James. That’s what it looks like.”

Peter laughed outright at this and Remus blushed a bit, rubbing his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. Sirius grinned wider.

“She’s right, you know,” he told James. James glared before turning back to Lily.

“Right well, that’s not the point.”

Lily brought the lamp back to rest on her hip. “Well then what _is_ the point?”

James gestured towards the lamp wildly, “Lily, this is _The_ Lamp!”

Lily raised an eyebrow, “ _The_ Lamp?” she said dryly.

The boys nodded solemnly.

“And this means something to me…how?”

James opened his mouth frantically to retort, but Sirius calmly unfolded himself from his position on the wall and moved James to the side. “Let me handle this, mate,” he said, “You’re digging yourself a hole.”

James moved out of the way numbly and resumed his staring at The Lamp.

Sirius sighed in a long-suffering sort of way, “You see, Lily,” he began, “The Lamp is a very important element to James’ bachelorhood. It represents freedom of speech. Freedom of nagging from the female counterpart of the species. Freedom of his side of the covers and an adequate amount of bathroom and closet space.” He paused and glanced over at James, “And, most importantly, freedom to put his socks wherever he damn well pleases.”

James paused in the activity of attempting to discreetly remove a sock hanging from his coat rack before Lily caught sight of it. He turned to his girlfriend in wide-eyed terror and let out something of an apologetic squeak. She raised an eyebrow at him.

Sirius sighed pityingly. Peter picked his nose in what he thought a discreet manner. Remus smacked him atop the head and glanced at Lily warily.

“Er…I…” James looked from Sirius to Lily briefly before squaring his shoulders and staring his girlfriend straight in the eye. “Ya,” he said, straightening his glasses defiantly, “I can put my socks wherever I damn well please!”

He then proceeded to throw said sock at said girlfriend’s head. Arcing through the air gracefully, the sock turned toe over heel once and a quarter times before finally flopping onto her head and hanging limply down over her face. 

No one moved.

Everyone froze.

No one spoke.

Everyone was silent.

Until James collapsed to his knees in utmost petrification. 

“Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry…” he chanted, scooting towards Lily on his knees, hands clasped before him and head bowed in desperate apology. Taking a deep breath and leaning down to kiss the hem of her robes, he continued, “Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry…”

Remus looked down upon his friend with pity in his heart. Sirius closed his eyes and turned away from the horrendous sight.

“I can’t bear it,” he proclaimed. “I just…I just can’t,” he placed a palm against his forehead and nodded his head in appreciation of Peter’s manly pat on the shoulder.

Gingerly picking the sock off her head with her thumb and forefinger, Lily dropped it to the side and looked down at her boyfriend with a raised eyebrow.

“Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry…”

“James, you’re slobbering on my robes,” she said. He looked up at her with wide, fearful eyes.

“Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry…”

“Great Agrippa, this is just too much to bear!” exclaimed Sirius, collapsing on to Remus’ shoulder. Remus glanced at the side of his head unamusedly. Peter glanced between the two of them before finally settling upon taking his imaginary hat off in mourning and bowing his head for James’ predicament.

Lily tugged her robes out of James’ grasp and said, “Would you be quiet?”

James stopped talking. Lily nodded. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, love.”

Rolling her eyes and shifting the lamp to her other hip, Lily huffed and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Quit sucking up James, I’m not going to do anything to cause you any sort of harm. I understand that you have periodic bouts of insanity and cannot be blamed for your actions during these times. I learned to accept it a long time ago.”

Obviously knowledgeable in this area, Remus nodded sagely, voicing his expertise. “It’s best to deal with it that way.”

James ignored him and stood up, taking Lily by her shoulders. “So you’re not going to stop wearing the little black thing I like so much?”

Peter’s head snapped up at this, and so did Sirius’. Remus’ did as well, though that was partially because Sirius’ head walloped him in the chin upon its upwards snapping.

“Bloody hell, Padfoot,” Remus yelled, rubbing his chin with one hand and smacking the back of Sirius’ head with the other. Sirius ignored him and cocked his head to the side, examining Lily.

Peter joined him.

James got extraordinarily hot and bothered about this.

“You will cease imagining my girlfriend in a black negligee immediately,” he said, waving his hands around in front of their faces.

Peter blushed and looked away. Sirius, however, merely grinned and leaned against the wall languidly again, raising an eyebrow at James. James glared fiercely, though the effect was somewhat hindered by the fact that his face was still green.

Sighing exasperatedly, Lily spoke up, “Am I taking this thing to the garbage myself, or is someone going to help me?”

Her query was met with gaping faces once again. 

“Pardon?” said James.

“Now really, it’s piece of pornographic ceramic masquerading as a lamp, is what it is!” she shouted. “A _lamp_!”

The boys gasped. “ _The_ Lamp!” they exclaimed in unison.

Lily merely raised a brow. Sirius sighed and unfolded himself from the wall once again.

“If you really must know,” he said, “That lamp,” he pointed, “Introduced us to the wonderful world of teenage horniness.”

“Ha!” Lily exclaimed in triumph, pointing at James, “I _knew_ you only kept it because it looked like a nipple!”

Eyes widening once again, James opened his mouth. “Sorr-”

Lily glanced at him, “Don’t start.”

James shut his mouth. Then he opened it again. “Alright well, maybe I knew it looked like a nipple and maybe that’s why we originally took the thing from that dumpster outside Knockturn, but it symbolizes more than womanly parts!”

Lily snorted. “Should have known it came from a dumpster,” she mumbled, looking down at the lamp.

James ignored her. “It symbolizes the beginning of The Marauders! If it weren’t for _that lamp_ ,” he pointed, “I probably wouldn’t have met you.”

Lily looked at him. Then she looked at Remus for clarification. Remus nodded his head just slightly in the affirmative. She looked back to James.

“Explain.”

James adjusted his glasses and stood a bit straighter. “On February 7 of our first year at Hogwarts, Sirius and I came upon The Lamp in a dumpster outside of Knockturn Alley while we were attending to…more important endeavors,” he cleared his throat. Sirius grinned. Lily snorted.

“And as we extracted The Lamp from the scraps and garbage generated by the dubious persons of Knockturn Alley, dear ickle Remus came round the corner and caught sight of us. And he said,” James grinned and turned to Remus, “Tell her was you said, Moony.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I said, ‘Is that a _breastie_?”

Sirius grinned widely. “And indeed it was, Moony. Indeed it was.”

James nodded and continued. “And so our number had increased to three as we stood staring at the glory of the breast-shaped lamp, when dear ickle Pete came round the corner and said…”

Peter looked at James blankly for a moment before perking up and saying, “Oh! I said…I said, I said, “Holy Merlin! It’s a boob!”

James grinned. “And then there were four.”

Lily looked at the four reminiscing boys for a moment before quirking her mouth in a bit of a smile.

“I should have known a ceramic boob was what brought you four together.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and leaned back onto the wall. 

“It still doesn’t explain how you wouldn’t have met me though, James.”

At this statement, James suddenly stopped grinning and tugged a bit at his collar. “Um, well…well, you see, it’s like this…”

Sirius examined his fingernails and spoke up from his position on the wall. “Go ahead, Prongs mate. Tell her what you said when you caught sight of her in the common room when we were sneaking back in.”

James cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses a bit. “Erm, I said…uh, well I said…erm…”

Peter perked up. “Oh, I remember what you said!” he exclaimed. “You said ‘If Red over there ever grows ‘em like this, I swear I’ll marry her.’ ”

James looked distinctly uncomfortable as everyone laughed. “It seemed like the thing to say at the time,” he mumbled.

Sirius patted him on the back. “Our Prongs always was the romantic one.”

Lily took a moment to compose herself before finally wiping at her eyes and looking at James. She held the lamp beside her chest and looked down.

“So do I pass the test then?” she asked.

James stared down at her chest and opened and closed his mouth rapidly. “Wha-…wha-…pardon?”

Glancing up quickly, Lily cocked her head to the side. “Do I pass the test? Did I “grow ‘em like that?’ ”

James gaped some more. “Of…of…of course! _Better_. You grew ‘em _better_.” He paused in his desperate complimenting and looked at his friends. “STOP STARING AT MY GIRLFRIEND’S BREASTS!”

Peter blushed and turned around. Remus raised his eyebrows but otherwise remained still. Sirius merely smiled.

James began breathing a bit heavily. Lily tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Don’t you mean fiancé?” she asked.

Perhaps it was due to James’ quick transition from near hyperventilation to not breathing at all, but he suddenly found himself entirely and completely incapable of any sort of coherent thought.

“Pardon?” he said, staring at his girlfriend.

Lily smiled at him slightly. “I was wondering, if you’ve decided that my boobs are up to par, why you weren’t referring to me as your fiancé.”

James continued to gape. “…Pardon?”

Sirius looked up from his fingers briefly. “Wake up, mate,” he said. “This is your cue to get down on a knee and all that shite.”

James stared at his friend with wide eyes and then shifted them to Remus. Remus raised an eyebrow expectantly. James turned back to Lily and opened his mouth to speak.

“…Pardon?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “James. You will now ask me to marry you.”

Slowly, James nodded. “Um, okay, uh…Pardon?” he shook his head quickly, “No, I mean, Lily?”

“Yes?”

“I have a question.”

“Mmhmm?”

“Will you uh…you know, um…marry me?”

“Yep.” And then pulled out her wand, scourgified his face, and kissed him for all she was worth, backing them into the coat rack James had removed the sock from earlier and then falling to the ground with the contraption.

Neither seemed to care much.

Remus smiled slightly at the sight and turned away politely. Peter stared in avid fascination. Sirius glanced up, wrinkled his nose, and turned back to examining his fingernails.

“Told you The Lamp would play a role in their marriage,” he said, holding out the hand he was not examining. “Thirty sickles if you please.”

 

_**A/N: The end. Remember to review!** _

**_Love to all the loo-hoos,_ **

**_-h_**   



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